You’ve likely heard the saying that it’s not about the destination but all about the journey itself.
Sometimes we find that we reach our goals or arrive at our destination to discover that the satisfaction and happiness that we thought would be there is missing. We find that we were working so hard but when we reached it, it wasn’t the panacea that we thought it would be.
I remember feeling this way about buying our first home. We had only been married a couple of years, were sick of moving around, and felt like we lived out of a box for the half-year we were waiting for our house to be built. Even though we had this incredible opportunity to build a house as young as we were, and we were incredibly excited in that moment, something just felt a little dull when we moved in. It didn’t quite fix everything like we’d hoped. It didn’t feel like we’d arrived. It didn’t feel any different at all in fact.
You’re likely on your own journey towards something right now. But what you may unfortunately find when you do get there, is that because you weren’t focused on living during the journey, the destination rings a little hollow.
So if we can’t be happy when we haven’t reached our goals and we find that achieving them doesn’t change anything either, are we destined to just be unhappy forever? Like the Bergens from Trolls, (I can’t help it, I have small kids) we wander through life just trying to grin and bear it, just trying to make it through.
Instead, we should work to lead fulfilling lives now, even while we’re grinding to reach our goals.
Things are messy for us now. My friend noted one time that we’re in the “messy middle.” It’s the place where we’re no longer at the starting line but we haven’t made it to the spot where our kids are grown and we’ve reached all of our financial goals.
With three small kids, things especially feel really messy.
But as I argued last week, money and stuff isn’t going to make you happy. Reaching your goals after a long climb doesn’t do the trick either, it seems.
So the thing to do, I think, is to find ways to take care of yourself today while you’re grinding towards the goals you have.
I’m really proud of my wife Katie.
As involved as I like to be in my family, I just feel like moms feel the weight of responsibility a little heavier than dads.
She’s been playing mom for seven long years now and has really been focused on having our three beautiful kids and taking care of us.
Recently though, she’s gotten into reading again. She’s reading books she cares about and has been spending time in ways that prioritize her and the things she enjoys. She’s helped start a local book club and made friends she would have never crossed paths with. I’m really happy about the positive impact this has had in her life. It’s taught her how to focus on herself and keep herself happy while on the journey. Something that needs to be a priority for all of us.
It can’t be just about the grind of parenting, cutting back so you can be in a better financial place, or trying to reach a goal in your career. You have to set up routines and hobbies that help recharge you and sustain you as you grind.
It’s about building the life that you want to live day in and day out, even in the midst of trying to hit big goals.
I had completely finished this newsletter to send out when I came across a video of Matt Damon when he was a guest on the Graham Norton show and it seemed applicable to this line of thinking.
He recounted a story from when he won his Academy Award with Ben Affleck for Good Will Hunting when he was 27. He had a realization as he stared at the Oscar sitting on his coffee table after making it back to the house. He realized that his Oscar didn’t suddenly make him feel any different now that he’d won one. What’s more, he was thankful that at 27, he was lucky to be learning this lesson now.
If winning an oscar won’t do it, then I don’t think any achievement can.
So the only thing that must matter is focusing on the activities that bring you fulfillment now that actually make a difference toward building a more satisfying life.
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